Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
