Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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