lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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