I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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