I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
