i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
