Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
