he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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