And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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