I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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