I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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