he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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