I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
