Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
