I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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