Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
