i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
