I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
