he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
