Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
