I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
