I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
