Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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