As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
