My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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