i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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