theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
