I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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