I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
