is your mom at the bar?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
