i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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