Can i not drive my cunt home
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
