I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
