I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
