She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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