Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
