I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
