Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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