its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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