I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
