so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
