how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
