She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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