In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
