That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
