dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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