I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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