If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
