Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
