I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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