I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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