Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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