Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
