My cat gives me a boner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize