Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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