i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
