He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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