You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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