I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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