My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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