i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
