hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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