Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Less talking, more tequila
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
