My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
